Our insane Gundam Wing rant Sessions
by NightingaleRose
Summary: Have you ever wondered about some of the 'oddities' of Gundam Wing? We have. And here's out thoughts on them. Plz R&R even if it is to flame us.
1. Heero Yuy

Okay Tigera here. If you haddnt guessed by the title, this is a rant about Gundam Wing, more specifically, about the ''oddities'' that bug us( aka me and Frostfoxfire) in the show...  
  
Disclaimer: Dont own Gundam Wing. Never have, never will. If sued, I will poke vicously and sic my insane muses on the person(s) sueing. Trust me that wont be pretty. It will involve large amounts of sugar and repeated exposure to Relena the banshee and Barney.   
  
___________________________________________  
  
My first Target... HEERO YUY!  
  
Okay, has anyone noticed that Heero pulls a gun out of nowhere!? And he wears spandex and a tank top. Now the question is, WHERE IN HELL DOES HE KEEP HIS GUN!? I mean come on,it's spandex. Spandex is skin tight...wait a minute, why is he wearing spandex? Okay, note to self, rant about that later...  
  
But seriously, there is no place to hide it. Unless its up his ass or down his front.... er... now that I think of it, in some of the art work for GW, heero does look kinda *big* . The third option being in a subspace pocket like they do for Sailor Moon. Hm.. another rant for later hehehe. Though that would explain why Heero acts like he has a stick up his ass, or rather a gun. That just makes you wonder how that works. Well it makes ME wonder. What, does he just reach down his pants and pull it out where the sun dont shine?   
  
****  
  
~Senario~  
  
*heero gets spotted by and Ozzie who starts shooting at him.He turns towards the Ozzie and reaches down his spandex pants *  
  
"Whoa! What are you doing!? " The ozzie stares in disbelief, sheilding his eyes.   
  
*Heero grunts and pulls out his gun and shoots the ozzie and escapes. *  
  
****  
  
Yeah... something like that. Or does he acutally have a gun harness for it? Thats another thing, you never see them carry a gun in the usual way. They always have it hidden in some odd place, like down their pants!  
  
Another thing about heero, isnt he affected by the weather!? Besides school uniforms, and not counting Endless Waltz, he wears nothing but Spandex and a Tank Top. Does he only have one pair that he constantly wears? Eww.... Or does he go out and buy all the spandex he needs and every single green tank top in sight? It makes you wonder, why spandex? Sure its skin tight. but damn uncomfortable. Sure Heero was trained to survive anything. But spandex? Thats like an eternal Wedgie for goddesses sake! Guess that explaines why heero self destructs everytime. He's not suicidal. No not by a long shot. He's just insane from the never ending wedgie!!!  
  
Yesh, that explains it perfectly. NOT!   
  
Okay, enough about the wedgie inducing spandex and the tank top that doesnt really help him at all. One would think he'd atleast have the decency to get a jacket.  
  
Something else is bugging me about our dear homicidal, suicidal, anti-social terrorist teen with a gun. How can anyone survive a forty story drop, with out a parachute, AND LIVE!? And what about self-destructing? I swear, Wing Gundam had to be rebuilt/repaired every few episodes!   
  
How does he do it? Survive I mean. You would think that he would have died by now. Perhaps one of his training exercises that Dr. J taught him was ' How to Self-Destruct the right way and appear dead, but survive 101' or 'How to free fall from ungodly heights and get nothing more than a broken leg which you can reset yourself 102' . That makes me wonder(again) what exactly the hell did that insane doc of heero's teach him and how!? That boy just aint normal. One could claim his skin is made out of Gundamium Alloy.   
  
He's indestructable! Let set fire to him and see if he even burns! .;;; Er, yeah.   
  
One more thing, what is it with that laptop? You hear about it all the time in fanfics,and its been awhile since I've seen the entire series so I dont remember if he had it with him all the time, but what the hell is it with that laptop!? One could argue that he looks up and does stuff refering to his missions on it. But seriously, do you think thats all he does? He's a teenage boy for goddesses sake. He may not have emotions, but I'm willing to bet he still has hormomes. I bet that not only was he doing research on missions but also 'research' on a little thing called hentai. He a guy. Guys always have hentai on the mind. And some girls to. Hell Gutterland is where I spend half my time.   
  
****  
  
~Senario~  
  
*Duo walks in to see Heero tapping way at the ever present Laptop of his*  
  
"Hey, didja get the report on the next mission?" goes to stand behind Heero so he can look over his shoulder.  
  
*Heero's eyes widen as Duo stands behind him. he makes a frantic attempt to exit out of what he was looking at.*  
  
"Er.. Heero.. Didnt know you were into S&M..." Duo sweatdrops slighlty and decides that this would be the best time to makes a quick exit.  
  
~End Senario~  
  
****  
  
Yesh... thats it... Heero is into S&M. Well you would think with all the spandex he wears. 0.o;;;   
  
Well... I think its about time to run along and hide now. I'm willing to bet that I how have either several gundam wing fans laughing their asses off or wanting to kill me for the last rant there.   
  
In either case, Flames welcome. Perhaps they will keep me warm in this fridged place I call home.   
  
~Tigera~ 


	2. Treize Kushrenada

^___^I see ppl like these rants! Yay ! Means we're doing good. Well since my partner decided she would rather be a muse, ad I already had this written up, here we go! I know these wont be in order but hey, chaos is better than order anyday!  
  
~Tigera~  
  
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Okay todays target... Treize Kushrenada.   
  
I know this guy is suposed to be the instigator in GW. Honestly I haveta say I agree with his methods, but still, there are just some things that bug me about him.  
  
  
  
One of them is those freaky eyebrows! I mean, look at them. There forked. One must wonder how does he do it? Is it genetic? Or does he go to a beauty salon and get them plucked that way while he gets his hair cut?  
  
****  
  
~Senario~  
  
*Treize walks into a salon and quickly gets ushered into a back room*  
  
"The usual Mr Kushrenada?" asks the stuffy looking stylist, who looks like he has a gun up his hass similar to heero.   
  
"Yes, Just make the eyebrows a little more forked today. I want to see if anyone will notice at the next meeting. " Treize relaxes in the barbers chair.   
  
"Oh course sir. " Barber goes about business.  
  
****  
  
Oh! and another thing, has anyone else ever noticed that he NEVER has a hair out of place? Does he use gallons of hair spray or something? And what about his 'bangs' those stylized locks that are just off to the side. How does he do it? I've tried simlilar stuff with my hair and failed. Again how does he do it?!  
  
Okay... enough ranting on the hair. Next up- what the hell is it with the roses? Does he watch Sailor Moon in his spare time? Does he idolize that pansy rose boy Tuxedo Mask? Next you know Treize will go prancing around, throwing roses and shouting "You can do it Lady Une!"  
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*Treize is sitting in his room infront of his TV watching some of his favorite DVDs*  
  
*Une walks in and stops short when she sees whats on the TV*  
  
"Is that Sailor Moon?" she asks as she looks down at Treize who just started too root for Tuxedo Kamen as he comes on the screen  
  
* Treize stops rooting and blinks looking up at Une with a composed look.* "Yes, it is my lady. "  
  
*Une gives him and odd look and starts to back out of the room* "And people say I have problems.." she mutters as she leaves  
  
****  
  
I can just see it now, Treize watching Sailor Moon.That would solve the question about the rose obsession. I think...  
  
Something else I have to question. Does anyone else notice that Treize only drinks wine? Makes you wonder if he ever gets drunk. Time for another Scenario!  
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*Une walks into Treize's office to deliver some reports.*  
  
*Treize is sitting there with a nearly empty wine glass in hand and three empty bottles.*  
  
"Mr. Treize, Did you just drink all those bottles?" she asks questioningly.  
  
*Treize looks at her with a smirk and a slightly glazed look in his eyes*  
  
"Yesh Uney.. I wash Bored. You looks beautishful today. Wanna Fuck?" Treize asks, laughing. Apparently slighlty more than drunk.  
  
*Une sweatdrops and backs out of the room, shutting the door behind her. She turns to the secretary. *  
  
"Call the Doctor again. And cancell Mr. Treize's meetings for the rest of the after noon.   
  
****  
  
I almost feel sorry for Une, almost. THough a drunk general is a scary thought. Second thought, screw felling sorry for Une, I fell sorry for all of OZ and Romafeller!  
  
Okay, Now on to the last thing that bugs me about Treize. THe clothes. I cant remember a time in the anime where he wore anything BUT his uniform. Does he only have one? Or several? And why the half cape. I admit it looks cool, but it also makes him kinda look like a super villan and a super hero mix. Perhaps he couldnt decide on which he wanted to be. who knows. But still does he have more of those uniforms or is he like Heero and wears the same thing all the time.. again Ew. Or, like heero, is that all he buys? Seriously these guys need to work on their wardrobe!  
  
Okay.. that wraps up this rant. Lest see who i pick on next. Trust me, that will be a surprise to even me ^___^ 


	3. Duo Maxwell

And I'm Back. ^__^ These rants are fun ! But yeah, Next tagret comming up and thanks all of those who reviewed and love this bit of insanity. frostfoxfire and I apreciate it ^^V  
  
Note: Someppl have suggested more oddities about everyones favorite general Treize.Intersting, most of the I wouldnt have thought of. I'll haveta keep them in mind and redo that rant later. ^^   
  
~Tigera~  
  
__________  
  
Okay, Todays target is the one, the only, the extremely cute bishy with a braid... DUO MAXWELL!  
  
Yes, I even have problems with the self acclaimed God of Death. THe first weird thing that bugs me about his is this. The hair. Now I love that braid just like everyone else. Hell I've, again,tried to do that with my hair and yes I am a girl. I can tell you from experience that its impossible to keep a braid that long in good shape, and that its a bitch to clean. So, my question is, why the hell doesnt it get in his way or get messed up!? I mean seriously, with a braid that long its a health hazard. You're bound to sit on it sometime and hurt your neck, or get it caught in a door, or accidentally set it on fire...  
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*Duo bursts in the door of the dorm room that he and heero are sharing. The door slams shut behind him and catches a good part of that long braid of his. As he rushes forward in an attempt to annoy Heero, he gets pulled back by his braid and ends up on his back on the floor.*  
  
*Heero hears the loud thump from his bedroom and goes and investigates. he sees Duo on the floor in a daze then notices his braide still in the door. He rolls his eyes and leans over Duo*  
  
"Again." is all Heero says.  
  
*Duo rubs the back of his head and sighs.* "Yes again Heero. Dont say a word."  
  
"Hn" *heero shrugs and turns to walk away. he looks over his shoulder as he enters his room.* "Cut the braid Maxwell."   
  
****  
  
Yeah, you would think that would happen alot. Or that one of the other pilots would get fed up with the obscene braid and cut it in his sleep. Perhaps thats why Wufei carries a katana around with him everywhere....  
  
Another thing that bugs me about Duo, he looks like a girl. Seriously, I've heard that Duo was originally designed to be a girl then the creator changed it. Couldnt they have atleast made him look a little more masculine??? Hell he looks more like a girl that some girls I know! I know that he's a bishonen but thats taking it a little far, dont you think? Oh and not only does he look like a girl but he's SHORT! I have nothing against short people, hell I am one. But still... he's a teenager, what the hell happened to growth spurts!? Or does that not exist in AC era? Makes you wonder, will people get shorter as the centuries progress? Gods I hope not.   
  
Okay, next up is the nice healthy obsession with death. I have nothing against death honestly. But seriously, He goes farther with it than any of the other pilots. Hells, he claimes to be Shinigami! One could argue that Duo needs to see a psychiatrist. Now that would be amusing...  
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*Duo happily enters the psychiatrists office. He sits down at a chair across from the good doctor who is sitting there smiling*  
  
"Hello Duo, I am Doctor DeWinter. Pleased to meet you, We will start with some simple ink blots."  
  
*picks up a card and hold it infront of Duo* "Now what do you see?"  
  
*Duo smirks as his eyes light up* Me, Shinigami!"  
  
*Doc writes something down and holds up another one* "And now?"  
  
*Duo smirks and leans back* "Me blowing up some useless Leos."  
  
*Doctor writes something else down and holds up some more cards. This continues for a while with Duo saying various things to do with death. Finally the Doctor puts down the cards and smiles. she gets up and heads out of the room. She picks up her secretaries phone and calls Une.*  
  
"Ma'am I dont need to do further testing on your Preventor Agent Maxwell. It's obvious that he needs mental help."  
  
****  
  
Yeah, Okay then... Perhaps he needs a hobby that doesnt involve blowing shit up.Or maybe a pet. A nice cat or a dog.  
  
Something else that amuses and bugs frost and I, does anyone remember when Trowa blew up Deathscythe on TV? And Duo yelled 'NOOOO!!!' right in the middle of a crowded colony? Now think about it. Duo. In the middle of a crowd.Yelling out "NOOOO!' as Deathscythe blows up. Anyone else see anything wrong with this? You would think that he'd get arrested for suspicion of being a Gundam Pilot. You would think that some people would have braines. If someones opposes a gundam being blown up and gets emotional about it, wouldnt logic dictate that that person might have something to do with the Gundams?   
  
Yes, that bugs us a lot. And also what about the clothes? I know that he was raised in a catholic Orphenage, but please, why not a change in clothes and get rid of the collar. One would thing a pilot constantly dressed as a priest would stand out. But then again you could say the same thing for Heero. And someone, please tell me whats up with the pants? They're baggy in the upper thigh area. Why? Does he keep his guns in there or something? Or does he keep explosives in them? Or perhaps food. hm....  
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*Duo walks into work at the Preventors office. Quatre stops him and asks if he has a pen. Duo nods and starts to search his pockets. Soon he's pulling out guns, knives, brass knuckles, handcuffs, sticks of TNT, packets of gun power, matches, fuses, pudding,oranges,his toothbrush, mechanical parts, a pencil and finaly a pen. He grins and holds the pen out to Quatre.* "Here ya go Q-man."  
  
* Quatre sweatdrops as he takes the pen.* "Um.. Duo? Why dont you clean out your pockets?"  
  
"Cause ya never know what will come in handy." *Duo grinned as he shoved everything back in his enormous pockets and walks away.*  
  
****  
  
Well,if I can carry a backpack around with what I deem to be essentials, why cant he? Though... I'd never go that far. Yes, explosives and weapons are too tempting.   
  
Yes, that is what bugs me about Duo. More suggestions Welcome. I may haveta do more chapters dedicatied to same characters. .;;  
  
~Tigera~ 


	4. Misc Oz soliders and MS

People must really like these rants. Though some ppl point out some very good things i missed... Note to self. Fix those later. Will do.  
  
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Okay Today/tonights target is... Miscellaneous OZ soliders and other things about OZ that bug me!  
  
Yes, I said misc. Oz soliders. Why may you ask? Well.. lately I've been thinking about them, and what I've come up with bugs me!  
  
Okay. One. Has anyone other than me noticed that hardly any of them have names? Sure there area few like LT. Walker or Otto.. but harldy ever any other with names? What are they all called Bob or Billy Joe ? Makes you wonder sometimes. They must have names! How else would someone register for the army? Unless you have a name like Mortimer.. Then you have just cause to leave out our name I would think...  
  
Reason Two, what the hell is it with yelling 'It's a Gundam!' when they see one? Honestly if I were them, I wouldnt be shouting. I'd be shooting first and asking questions later. Perhaps you dont need to be intelligent in the army. They sure arent. Especailly the Leo pilots. There constantly getting blown up. Which reminds me. Explosions need oxygen to happen right? THen someone please explain to me how a mobile doll can explode if there is no pilot and no need for air!? What, do they pump them full of air so they make pretty explosions?  
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*Une walks up to an unknown solider holding a gas pump looking thing up to a hole in the mobile doll's leg* "Is it almost full?"  
  
* solider nods and takes out the hose and seals up the hole.* "Yes Ma'am. The air's all pumped in. This one will make such a nice explosion when the Gundams blow her up."  
  
****  
  
Yeah... Fireworks at their finest. Thats one way to spend money.  
  
The third thing that bugs me is what the hell does OZ stand for!? Sorry but when I first hear of it I automatically thought of the Wizard of OZ. Though if you think about it Une would make a good wicked witch of the West...  
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*Une stands behind her desk, looking out her bay windows. Suddenly she breaks out laughing evilly and points out the window at only something she can see* "I'll get you my pretty and your little dog to!"  
  
*random solider that was walking on the ground jumps and scrambles away muttering something about witches and Oz*  
  
****  
  
Okay yeah, Almost. But seriously what does OZ stand for? I've heard Order of the Zodiac, which does make sense since everything is named after constillations and such. Or it could stand for Old Zeon.. of Out of town Zoo.. or Officer's Zoo... or Old Zuchinni... And who in the hell came up with that name? Did some old military geezers sit around and pull the name out of their asses? Seriously. Who in there right minds, besides me who isnt in my right mind. would think up something like this? I must know... it is my new quest of the moment that will be forgotten for something else in like .02   
  
Something else that bugs me. Why cant anyone aim right!? Now I dont have the best aim either. Hell I cant hit the target infront of me but I can hit the wall beside me while I'm attempting to aim for the target... Dont ask I really cant explain that one. One would think though that one of they things that you'd learn when you join OZ is how to shoot. Makes you wonder. What exactly do they teach the soliders? I mean they cant aim. They get blown up so they must not teach them good piloting skills...So what exactly do they spend their time teaching them? Ballet? How to run screaming from battle? How to get blown up the right way? Or perhaps they take lessons from Dr. J, 'How to be a good moving target for any Gundam that crosses your path.'  
  
Okay one more thing. What the hell is it with the uniforms? They remind me of WWII. No real surprise there really. But still. They could have gotten a little more original. They also remind me of a boy scout uniform. Though... Mariemaia's uniforms take the cake. I swear they really ARE boy scout uniforms! Perhaps we should ask Wufei, he'd know.   
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
* Duo runs into Wufei after the Mariemaia inccident. He grins and casually asks Wufei a question.* "So Wuffers, what was with the neo boyscout uniform that Mariemaia made you wear? I mean, No self respecting warrior would get caught dead in shorts and that stupid little shirt she made you wear."  
  
* Wufei glares at Duo and pulls out his katana* "Its not my fault the uniforms were designed by a seven year old! Now surrender your braid Maxwell!!!" * chases after Duo*  
  
****  
  
Yeah, Someone might have rethought the uniforms idea some there. They were just.. yeah.   
  
Okay... Now to wraps this up. Its getting late and I'm tired. One of the best times to do a rant really once you think about it. ^_^V  
  
Okay. Now this is the part where you press the review button and leave your comment. Flames welcomed. Why? cause Frost and I are using them as a heat source in this fridged place we call home.   
  
~Tigera~ 


	5. Trowa Barton

Okay... seeing as how I havent updated in oh... AGES. I shall bestowe a new rant upon my beloved readers. .;; yes its late at night and I'm tired. Best time to write theses in my opinion ^__^  
  
Now lets see whose up for today.....  
  
___________________  
  
Todays target....Trowa Barton. No Name himself!   
  
Okay... goddess this is gonna be long. Frost and I composed a list of what we found... odd about dear Tro-chan. And Frankly.. is long, with 13 items and counting.  
  
First thing that bugs us is the hair! Its a bloody uni-bang for goddess sake! How does he do it!? Does he use gallons of hair gel? Even more Hair spray? Gods, one could assume that his hair is highly flambable!I know mine would be.   
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*Trowa flicks on a lighter to light a candle in the kitchen when suddenly his hair catches on fire* "AHHHHHH!"  
  
* The rest come running in, Quatre carrying a bucket of water which he dumps on Trowa's blazing hair.*  
  
*After the hair is out trowa sighs and waits for it. *  
  
"You know this wouldnt happen if you used less that 10 gallons of hair gel and 5 bottles of hair spray. " Quatre reprimanded.   
  
*Trowa shrugs*  
  
"Somehow... I dun think that'll stop him Q-man..." *Duo said from the doorway*  
  
****  
  
Er... yeah exactly. Though one must wonder,is his hair solid as a rock from all those products? Is that why he doesnt fear Cathrines knives? Do things bounce off the impentrable shield of hair? This must be explained! Or theorized... or warrent another scenario....  
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*Trowa is on another mission when he runs into an Ozzie. The Ozzie starts to shoot at him, aiming for his head. He quickly deflects the bullet with his awsome solid hair of toughness and shoots the ozzie before running off*  
  
****  
  
Okay that was the hair that bugged us, next up was the acrobatics. Someone explaine this. A child, raised in the battle field for as long as he remembers. Fighting all the time. When in hell did he learn gymnastics!? And whats more, he does it in his gundam!!!! How!? I could understand it if the setup was like in G Gundam.. but Hell. He's in the cockpit, manipulating levers and buttons. How does he do it!? and whats more, he never falls or messes up. Anyone see something wrong with this? How did he learn? When Did he learn? How does he do it in his gundam!?  
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
* Trowa is trying to practicing backflips when he first gets Heavyarms.* "Okay.. Lets see what this does.."   
  
*presses a button and the gundam does the infamous Sailor Moon Pose*  
  
*Trowa sweatdrops and gets the gundam out fo that pose and trys something else, causing the gundam to go down in the splits with many noises of straining metal*  
  
"Somehow, I dont think it was made to do that..."  
  
****  
  
Perhaps he figured it out the old way, press many buttons and see what works. Or maybe he had his doc alter the gundam, or maybe its something they taught him in his gang of mercenaries when he was little. Yes, how to do ballet with your MS and dance around like an idiot while you avoid getting shot. That sounds about right. But then why does he know those moves outside of his gundam? Unless he was a moving practice target... perhaps this is it. Hm... That would answer the questions...  
  
Okay then, Moving on. Next up is...the fighting style!! Okay, honestly there is nothing wrong with picking a strategical position and mowing down the enemy, but seriously, standing out in the open and shooting until you run out of ammo!? Someone please reasure me that Trowa is smarter than that!!! Even I, who has never been in a gun fight and hopes never to be, knows better than that. I know to atleast hide behind something for cover cause no matter how tought the armor, it can only handle so much! Even Gundamium can be damaged! As is proven many times through out the series.  
  
Another thing. What is it with being Cathrine's living dart board? What sane person would stand there, allow themselves to be strapped to a piece of wood and have someone throw sharp pointy objects at them. Does trowa have a few screws loose? Or does he REALLY want to die!? How the hell did he get roped into that one? Did someone notice he awsome rock hard hair sheild of toughness? Is that why he's strapped to the dart board of doom?   
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*ring master walks up to trowa after he just joined the circus* "Since you're new, we've elected you to be our new knife throwers partner since she's gone through 8 others already this month."  
  
*trowa's visible eye widens slightly*  
  
*ring master notices and huridly reasures him- "oh no serious injuries, well nothing life threatening. Only a stabbed ear, a few hands, and a few -ehm- other male parts..."  
  
* trowa's eyes get bigger and the ring master leave. he goes into the bathroom of his trailor and starts to put more spray/gel in his hair*  
  
****  
  
Ehm... yeah... right. Alomst. Poor Trowa, no one deserves that fate. Well except a few anime characters i could name.. but then we'd be here all night.  
  
Something else that bugs us...has anyone else noticed that in EW, that HeavyArms has a half mask identical to trowas clown mask!? Please say other people have noticed that. And why does a gundam have a mask? its not like it has any facial features it needs to hide.Perhaps its to scare the soliders. Most people I know fear clowns for some odd reason...   
  
****  
  
~ Scenario~  
  
* Trowa appears in battle with his gundam. One look at his gundam and the enemy goes running, screaming into the night. Trowa looks confused and opens a com link to Quatre*  
  
"Quatre... for some odd reason the enemy ran away from me..."   
  
*Quatre turns his gundam to see look at trowa* "I wonder why that is... " * spots the mask and runs screaming from battle. *  
  
* Duo comes to investigate.* "Dude what the... " * sees the mask and also takes off running. *   
  
* soon Zechs comes over.He blinks and point blankly asks.* "Why the hell do you have a clown mask on your Gundam."  
  
*Trowa blinks* "It was Cathrines Idea..."  
  
"Riiight...."   
  
****  
  
Yes, its a psychological attack on the enemy. Yeppers. And so is playing elevator music while you attack.... er yea...  
  
Something else that bugs us... er, me. Trowa has no name of his own, unless you belive that he's cathrines Lost Brother Triton Bloom, but thats besides the point. The fact is that through the whole series he has an assumed name. People. Its the future. There's a little thing called DNA testing. THAT WOULD TELL HIM WHO HE REALLY IS!!!! *breathes heavily* this is my major pet peeve about trowa. The guy goes around, claiming he has no name. Yet, he knows Sally Po, a doctor. Why not have her to a DNA test??? That could tell him who his parents and existing family is. Its the future. If they can build colonies and mobile suits, one would think they could do something as simple as that!!! Gods, am I the only one to think of this!???   
  
*manages to compose self* erm.. yeah. Now back on track here. Next item on the list... why in hell do Trowa choose to be a clown as a cover? I mean look at him, he's emotionless, not clown material in ANY way. And... extremely cute with out a shirt. But thats besides the point. Why a clown? Why not a traveling salesman or something? Why??? Does he have a clown obsession or something? Or perhaps its his life long dream to wear the half mask and scare little children by being the clown from 'IT'. Yes, someone please explaine this to me....   
  
Okay, next up is his little habit if infiltrating the enemy. Its a good strategy, but... yes there's a but comming. When you go under cover, why do you use your own name? Even if it isnt your real name, you shouldnt use your assumed name,especially one that could be considered high profile like trowa's with the Barton Foundation.. Hell even Heero had more sense! Albeit, he did use Duo's but still, even spandex boy had some sense. Plus, it seems that Trowa does this a little TOO much. First Oz, then the Barton Foundation, doesnt this guy have a life!?   
  
One more thing. Something else frost and I noticed. Trowa plays the flute. He's a guy. Anyone else see something wrong with this!? Perhaps its just us,but you dont see many guys play the flute who ARENT yaoi! Gods, its a femme intrument, and to top that off he's palying it with his legs crossed in a girl like fashion. Some guys i know would argue that that has to hurt ! .;; Now This just makes you wonder about dear trowa's ... orientation *grins evily*  
  
  
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*Duo walks into the house and hears the sound of a flue playing. He goes to investigate and finds Trowa in the music room, playing the flute and dancing around like a girl* "Whao.. Dude. Thats Freaky.."   
  
*Trowa continues to dance like a little girl, ignoring Duo.*  
  
****  
  
Err... yeah... almost..Riight. Anyway, Back on track.. Hopefully...  
  
There's another inconsistency that we question in Gundam Wing that involves Trowa. He get blown up and Assumed dead. Then he shows up again. Now someone, explain to me. How can someone surivive drifting in space,In a space suit with limited air, and now way of.. relieving yourself???? Not to mention, when the Ms exploded? Wasnt he inside? Or did he get out, i dont remember. If he got out, he wouldnt have cleared the explosion soon enough. -_-;; Yeah... Back on track here. How the hell did he survive!??? I mean come on, floating in space, then you appear again!? Whats up with that? what saved him??? Did his awsome Hair of Toughness help? Or his Incredable Gymnastic Space Skill help? What? How? When? Why? And all of those other fun question words.   
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*Trowa wakes up to floating in space. he looks around and starts to 'swim' He manages to 'swim' his way to a nearby asteroid and uses his Awsome Hair of Toughness to hold on. He crosses arms and legs and waits for aproaching civilization. *  
  
****  
  
Riight. Almost. Yeah... But this does beg the question, HOW!!!!!  
  
Okay, calming down slighlty now, the next to items kinda relate. When Trowa came back to civilization, he had amnesia. If thats the case, hwo is that different from before? He never knew who he was to begin with! And how in hell did he find his way back to the circus!? Does he subconsiously want to to remaind Cathrines living dart board for the rest of his life!? Even with amnesia you would think he had better survival skills. Poor Trowa.   
  
Lastly, He used the Zero System. The System that 'fries pilots braines' Now explaine to me, if its suposed to make pilots go insane, why did it cure his amnesia? I have my own pet theory on this. Trowa's already insane. Look at his choice of work, he habits, and that insane hair of his. Plus he does things that no SANE person should be able to do. Therefore (i just like that word...) THe system drove him sane, not that it matters much, to be a gundam pilot i believe that insanity is REQUIRED!   
  
Yes, so here's the long awaited Trowa Rant, And due to school, and various other things, It may be along time before the next rant. *grins evilly* Though the next target wi be... amusing. Psycho Queen beware!! Muwahahahaha!  
  
~Tigera~ 


	6. Relena Peacecraft

. Geesh, some people must have more free time than I do.. o.o I never thought of the scientific reason for MS going kaboom. Also, I must note, it amuses me that reviewers are picking apart what we're ranting on. Makes me utterly amused, more so than normal actually. ^_____^ please! Pick apart more! I love the laughing I get to do cause of it!   
  
Though, someone brought up the fact that in the series you see more of Trowa's ass than his face, I never noticed. This warrants watching the entire series all over again ^__________^  
  
Now on with the rants!  
  
____________________-  
  
Okay todays target... *reaches into a hat and pulls out a name* Is the one, the only, Psycho Queen herself, Relena!  
  
Okay, now that we know our target, lets start, now I've been warned to be realistic on this one.. unfortunately, -.- blame frost. So of course I will try to refrain from total insanity... yeah right.   
  
First off, who in their right minds chases after an anti-social, suicidal,homicidal, gun toting, terrorist teen that is against everthing you stand for!? Plus tell him to kill you??? If you ask me, little Ms. Pink Princess is a few screws loose. One of these days Heero's gonna actually shoot her.   
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*Relena appears in front of heero with hearts in her eyes and asks him to shoot her. Heeros whips out his gun from his amazing spandex, and shoots her in the arm. Relena gasps and grabs her arm*  
  
"Heero! I didnt mean Literally!"   
  
*heero shrugs and puts the gun back down his amazing spandex.* "You said shoot you. Mission Accomplished. "   
  
****  
  
Perhaps.. perhaps not. but it bugs me, if someone claimes their gonna kill you, wouldnt you leave them alone like any other sane person? Or does Relena have a death wish??? Makes me wonder about that concidering how many times she gets her self in the middle of battles.  
  
Another thing that bugs me. She followed heero to the Antartic. The Antartic. She knew he was gonna fight against Zech. But she still followed him. The Idiot. Even I know not to do that and I've been classsified as insane by everyone I know! What was she hoping to accomplish?? And then she tells him to "Kill that man!" Isnt she a pacifist? Dont pacifists believe in non violence? Then why the hell is she telling him to kill someone who turns out to be her brother?!   
  
That brings me to another thing that bugs me. Has anyone else noticed that Milliardo and Relena are like exact opposites? Oh and that He's prettier than her? Just wondering. Oh now i definatly wanna do a Milliardo rant...  
  
One more thing about relena, what the hell is it with the pink barbie limo of ugliness???? Who in their right minds, and we all know she isnt, would have a PINK limo!? If that doesnt stand out, i dont know what does. One would think that having a pink car, she'd be an easy target for terrorist, assasins or anyone who just didnt like her. I mean come on, that just screams 'Hit me, I'm a target' Yes, though now that one thinks about it, thats not the only thing of hers thats pink. So's her uniform. What the hell is it with this girl and the color Pink!? Its ugly. especially the pink pastel in her school uniform. I cant stand pink! Why pink? Why not blue, or yellow, or hell even puke green? Why pink???  
  
*takes deep breath* Okay now.. what else bugs me about her, besides everything. Oh yeah, why the hell does she listen to Dorothy!? I mean come on, one she's freaky,and two she's a manipulative bitch. But then again those seem to be requirements for her family. I mean look at Treize and Mariemaia.   
  
Another thing, what the hell is it with Pacifisim? Its all good and dandy for an ideal, but please, it just doesnt work in the real world. Humanity cant exist with out war or weapons to make sure everything works. Does she live in her own little world or something? So what, its her families ideal. Look where thats gotten them, the parents are dead, the princess is a pink freak and the prince is a birdman wannabe. One would think that with the death of her parents, she's want to kill the bastards that killed them. But no.. she's promoting peace. Someone, please, shoot her.   
  
Next item. She was the 'Queen of the World.' Who... in their right minds... Sure the people liked her, and that she'd make a good figure head, but please. She's a teenager. One would think that she's suffer from one hell of an ego. Though if she does, then she must be good at hiding it... Scenario time!  
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*relena's sitting in her office at preventors. Duo walks in and starts to complain about her game playing on the companies computers and how its slowing the systems down. Relena glares at him and stick up her nose* "Those rules dont apply to the Queen of the World!"   
  
* Duo arches his eyebrow and snorts* "You mean FORMER Queen of the World. "  
  
*Relena growls and flips him off.* "The people still love me. So hmph!"   
  
*Duo rolls his eyes and walks out of her office* "Oh yeah, no ego at all... Riiight. "  
  
****  
  
Er.. yeah, exactly. No ego at all. Riight.   
  
One more thing. Well basically what the whole rant's about. She acts like little Ms. Pink Perfect Peacecraft. No one is that perfect, not unless there on some really good drugs or have no life what so ever, though in the case of relena, I'd bet on some really good precribed drugs. Perhaps that explaines her 'perfect' behavior. OR perhaps, she isnt even human. Maybe she's an alien like from Sailor Moon or a Persacom like from Chobits( by clamp), or maybe she's an Angel living amongst humans like from Wish( an other thing by clamp. really good manga) Though she's be more like a devil in my opinion... Yeah, maybe she isnt even human, that would answer all the questions.   
  
****  
  
~Scenario~  
  
*Relena looks around in the garden, making sure there is no one else around. she nods slighlty and sits in a bench by a tree and clasps her hands together and takes in sunlight ( Wish reference) like any angel would. She smiles a bit as she finishes 'eating' when suddently theres the sound of foot steps. She looks up to see Duo* "Oh, Hello Duo."  
  
*Duo, blinks and looks at her* Hey Lena, what are you doing here?"  
  
*Shrugs slightly* "Oh nothing... Just enjoying the sunlight."  
  
*Duo nods then frowns slightly. "Hey Lena, are you on a diet? All you've been eating is Honey and Milk..."  
  
*Relena sweatdrops* "No Duo... I'm just hardly ever to really eat anything with all the paper work I have to do..."  
  
*Duo gives her an odd look.* "If you say so Princess..."   
  
****  
  
Um.. yeah, exactly.Thats how it is alright. Er... riiight. Almost.   
  
Well.. i'm running out of things to rant about.. scary really. And I was told to be realistic. Well this is as realistic as I get. Deal with it. Hope you enjoyed this rant,and please, Flame us if you must, I makes me laugh!   
  
~Tigera~ 


	7. Peace offering for the moment

Hello Beloved Readers! This is sorta something to tie you over until We dig ourselves out of the hole known as homework ^^  
  
Hope you like it ^^  
  
~Tigera and Frost~  
  
_____________-  
  
Fighting Heero by moonlight   
  
Winning Treize by daylight  
  
Always running from a real fight   
  
He is the one named Sailor Zechs   
  
He will always turn his back on a friend  
  
He is never there to defend   
  
He is the one on whom we cant depend   
  
He is the one named Sailor...   
  
...Sailor Duo  
  
...Sailor Une   
  
...Sailor Heero  
  
...Sailor Trieze   
  
With secret powers not so new to him   
  
He is the one named Sailor Zechs  
  
Fighting Zero by moonlight   
  
Winning Heero by daylight   
  
With his gundam there to help fight  
  
He is the one named Sailor Zechs   
  
He is the one named Sailor Zechs  
  
He is the one...Sailor Zechs 


	8. Quatre Rebarba Winner

. I've Graduated... Feel proud of me -V o.o now i'm off to NMU o.o;; yeah.. from one right to the other lol. Ne case, I think I've made ppl wait long enough for the next Target   
  
So without further ado.. heres the next rant -;;;  
  
----------  
  
Okay, tonights target...QUATRE REBARBA WINNER!   
  
Yes even I have a few problems with someone like Quat. He's cute I grant you that and the most innocent looking of the pilots... but still there's some things that bug me about him. So shall we begin? We shall.   
  
First thing that bugs me about Dear Quatre... and the main thing I might add... is think about this. He has Blonde Hair, Blue eyes. How in hell can he be Arabian!?? -.- arent Arabians Black haired, brown eyes, dark skin... yet out dear little Quatre has fair skin... he looks like he could be Swedish or Norwiegen... not Arabian.... So I ask you, how in hell do you get a blondie like Quat for an Arabian family... Hell once you think about it the few sisters of his you do see are similar to him, light hair and skin. What the hell is up with this??? -.- Yeah... this bugs me.. It really does... -.-;;; Perhaps... he just bleaches his hair a lot, wears contacts and uses pale make-up alot? That would explaine everything quite well once you think about it .;;; Scenario time...

Duo knocks on the bathroom door "Come on Q-man! You've been in there for hours!!" he yelled out desperately as he held himself and danced around cause he really need to use the only bathroom in the house  
  
Quatre sighed as he put in his blue contacts to hide he brown eyes. he quickly packed up his makeup and hair bleach so no one would catch on. he put on a smile and finally emerged from the bathroom  
  
as Duo washes up he spots a bottle of makeup and bleach that Quatre missed. He blinked slightly and sweatdropped "Um... I dont wanna know..."

Um yeah... .;;; possibilities?   
  
Now... on to another thing that bugs me... The tea drinking. Now theres nothing wrong with this... Hell, I'm addicted to Dragon Well Green Tea. Theres nothing wrong with tea... BUT... he's always drinking it... doent it turn your teeth colors?? I know you can use it for aging thingies for Theater props..... So, does this mean Q-man whitens his teeth every few weeks? -blinks- geesh, Q does alot of things to keep up his appearence... Just like tro-chan and his rock hard hair of toughness and Du-chans impossibly long health hazard braide ;;;  
  
Okay, next item.. What the hell is it with the pink shirts and purple vests with kahki pants!? Thats just saying he's gay... U mean... the clothes... not the colors I would like to wear... especially light pink and lavender purple... they should only be worn around Valentines day and Easter if that. Other wise, you are just sending the wrong signal to everyone... well atleast I think so .;; but still, its.. odd but then again when did fashion of GW make sense? Since... never?   
  
And also, from the conclusion of the two points above... I'd haveta say that Q-man is really Femie... but then again he did have 29 older sisters.... that begs the question. Are they to blame? Perhaps they played with him like they would a doll, dressing him up in pretty dressesa nd making him attend tea parties... That... would actually explaine alot about dear Quatre... well I think so...  
  
Okay with these points made, someone answer this equation.... One really Femie boy 40 roughneck Maguanc Solider Men = what the hell do you think!? Seriously... one girly boy around 40 men. Umm.... I REALLY hope that i dont haveta say more... -shakes head violently- Nasty images now...ew... blame Frost.. she thought it up -.-;;;

Oh! another thing about his clothes, whats with the goggles? Um... he's in a gundam.. where I doubt theres flying debre Why where them? . They remind me of Digimon, after all, every season of Digimon has a 'goggle head' for a leader more or less... and Q is sorta the brains behind the strategy... perhaps he likes Digimon! ;;; .;;; Or not....

OKAY moving right along... something else that bugs me about out little millionaire... well its that. He's rich!!! Hell his family practically owns/ runs L4... now why in hell does he want to fight and get himself killed when he could easily live the good life... well okay... the people were uprising... but still thats easy to solve..but still. a Gundam? -.- Perhaps its just me and my greed that runs thru my family. I just dont get it.. but then again its probally one of those things I'll never understand... Think its one of those things where you actually haveta be sane to get it... maybe. Goddess knows I'm FAR from sane. Especially in the last month or so... ne case.... ;; yeah..  
  
Next item up for ranting, the Zero system. Now I understand the rage one feels when they lose someone near and dear to their hearts. I just lost my koi little over a month ago.. so yeah... but the zero system!? If it wasnt installed to begin with. There probally is a damned good reason!!!!!! And on that note why in hell did the Scientists keep it in a place where it coudl be accessed to Goddesses Sake! Something that dangerous should be hidden under MANY FEET of rock, tunles, Mazes and everything else!! perhaps add a few Goblins as a deterrent... but you get my drift. WHY!? Are they mad... Well.. scratch that, we all know the 5 scientists are mad... so yeah... .;;; thats a rant for another day...  
  
Hm.. what now... well I could rant about his empathic abilities... except... I sorta have something similar so er... I'd really be picking apart myself... Like I dont do that already -.-;;; The only other thing I can think off... is Sandrock.  
  
Speaking of the Gundam... do people remember the episode where Quat pulled a Heero and tried to self- destruct while he was still in the gundam??? Why.... did it open? Was it a faulty latch? Or did the Gundam actually let him out. Was is a concious entity? Did the Scientists install a secret A.I. program!? . or is it just one of those things that'll never get explained cause no one really cares, its there, it fit, it works, why bother complaining? . I'm leaning towards the last one here ;; so yeah...  
  
Okay done ranting... need food... need sleep... and i think this jsut maybe the lames rant yet... thats okay... the next target I have loads on   
  
Next Up : Milliardo Peacecraft AKA Zechs Merquise AKA Sailor Zechs AKA Birdman!!! I just love picking on him ish all lol   
  
Flames welcomed : We use them to roast our mashmellows for smores ;;   
  
Tigera


	9. Milliardo Peacecraft

. ;; Hi? Sorries for not updating in over…. What, a year? Eppy… sorries! Gomen!. In any case, if anyone cares, I'm in the second year of college and Frost in in her first. I think.. that its time to continue this rant.

Okay, after a long pause, My next and favorite target is the one, the only, birdman wanna be, MILLIARDO PEACECRAFT!

Er, yeah. Him. Zechs Merquise. The pretty bishy with the mask that is soo fun to pick on!

Lets see, where to start. There are sooo many choices. Though I have to say I'm starting with Birdman. Take a good look at the mask. It's freakishly similar to birdmans… well to me it is. What, did Milli stay up late one night watching old cartoons and suddenly got the idea of 'Hey, why don't I wear a mask like that cause I'm an angsty teenager that wants to hide from the world' ? Makes ya wonder, well, It makes me wonder. Why a mask? Why birdman ish? Why? This demands a scenario!

Milliardo stays up late one night watching old cartoons and munching on popcorn. Suddenly an old Birdman cartoon comes up and he practically spills his popcorn.

"That's it! That's what kinda mask I want!" he grins insanely and starts making calls, looking for someone to make the monstrosity for him.

That brings me to another thing. Milliardo's 19 at the time that GW takes place… arent you supposed to be atleast 18 to join the army? What is Oz accepting them young? Like say, on I don't know, 15/16? Seriously. Milliardo would have to have been in the military for longer than a year to get that renouned of a reputation. Perhaps he lied on his application. Yeah that has to be it.

-------

A young Milliardo sits infront of the recruiter.

"It says here that you're 18… Mister Merquise is it?"

Millardo just gives an conferming nod and remains silent.

The recruiter just gives the masked solider infront of him an odd look. "You don't look 18."

Mill sweatdrops "It's a genetic thing…"

------

Riight… sure, whatever. Moving right along. Next up, has anyone else noticed that Milliardo has one hell of an angst problem. And this is a stretch but, I think it may just be worse than Wufei's or just as bad. Creepy. I mean.. He's not worthy of the Peacecraft name cause he's a solider? Someone hit him. His parents are dead so they cant yell at him for it. His sister didn't even know she had a brother until she told everyone's favorite gun weilding anti-social psychopath to kill him. So whats sexy Zechsy's problem? Perhaps he go hit one to many times while fighting in that mobile suit of his.

That leads me into another thing that bugs me and that a reveiwer brought up, Why the hell did he pick an alias like Zech Merquise? And why Zechs? It sounds like sex! Hm.. perhaps he was a hormonal teenager at the time and thought it would be clever to pick a name that sounded like sex. Yeah, that has to be it. Right..

----

Duo runs into Milli around Preventers HQ and pauses for a moment. "He Zechs, why did you pick a name that sounds like sex?"

Milliardo freezes and blushes crimson. "Duo, if you value your braid, stop this line of questioning."

Duo snickers and winks at him. "whatever you say Sexy Zechsy."

----

Yeah.. that could be embarassing of Duo ever made that connection. Milli-chan would never live it down!

Another thing, anyone else realized that he's slightly obsessed with Treize, Heero and fighting? I mean.. I can understand the fighting, I'm a violent person myself. But he obsesses over whether or not he can me Treize's friend or enemy. Pick one! Either you're his friend or your not! Though… Treize does manipulate him like a pawn just like everyone else… but yeah… That's besides the point. And what about his Heero obsession. He's just as bad as Relena, minus the 'HEERO COME KILL ME HEERO!' shouting out of windows thing. He practically chases him around just as much, or is it 'coincidental' running into. And of course everytime they meet, they attempt to kill each other. Perhaps the two are madly in love and don't know how to show it except for shooting at each other? Talk about messed up. Plausable, but messed up. Poor Milly. v.v

And what is it with him and taking dangerous MS? I know that the challenge to master the monsters is there… but, He practically killed himself with Tallgeese. Does he have a death wish? Looks that way to me. And then there was Wing Zero and then finally Epyon. Sorry but I think The Zero System has messed up everyones favorite platinum blonde more than his self loathing. Hell, He still hates himself by the end of GW, but is getting better. About bloody damned time!

Also makes me wonder. Why the hell doesn't he put the moves on Noin? She's practically throwing herself at him! Especially in the one episode when they were in the club. Perhaps his self loathing is due to sexual tension. Makes sense. Perhaps that's why he took that name. Perhaps he needs to get laid. Hello! Noin's probally more than willing. So why doesn't he? Someone kick him in the ass. Please? Someone? v.v

Something else that bugs me, Milliardo is a hell of a lot prettier than Relena. You would think that would give him a complex. He could beat his sister in a beauty contest hands down. Its hilarious! Not to mention that beautiful long platinum blond hair that's to die for. Makes you wonder what shampoo he uses. Herbal Essense perhaps? He's got the urge! Sorry, just had to. Though you would think with all that hair, he'd have similar problems as Du-chan. I mean.. it would get caught in everything wouldn't it? And as someone pointed out with Duo's hair, wouldn't it be heavy? Though he'd definatly have the muscles to wash it… Ooo, the thought of a naked Zechs in the shower , now that's something to drool over. . ;;

That leads me to another thing to rant about. He probally looks better in a dress than Relena. Hell, he'd make a wonderfull Sailor Zechs! His hair's long enough to do the odangos like Sailor Moon. Or perhaps he could do the Minako thing. You know, long blond hair and a big red bow. Though the thought of Milli in a sailor scout outfit is hilarious enough !

-----

Zechs models a Sailor Moon outfit in a dressing room.

"Oh come on Milli, get your ass out here so we can see!" Une shouts as she stands there with Treize and Noin.

Zechs steps out and Une and Noin immediately swoon. Treize snickers.

"Are you sure you're not a girl?"

----

Er yeah, that makes you wonder. Or atleast It makes me wonder. n.n;;

Well that wraps up this rant. Hope it was as good as the others. Let me know if I've lost my touch in the last year n.n;; I'm afraid college may have done that to me. . ;;

And as always, flames welcomed. Especially since I have a roommate that loves to sleep with the window open and its freezing up here.


End file.
